Jean Honorio's blog

"To be a scientist you must have
both respect for the truth
and the audacity to believe you can find it"

—Galileo

New and improved: how can something be improved if it is new?
If it is old then I can understand it, but both at the same time...

Three bunnies running in my yard and three kids playing on the street...
Veronica, what did you do?... hehe

Latin american guy in a foreign country: immigrant
White guy in a foreign country: conqueror... haha, good one!

Man I miss my fireplace, Fumito has one now... damn you!
Eventhough I never used my fireplace...

I paid my chinese food to a 5 years old kid,
it was funny and sad at the same time...

Female, it’s never late
for fulfilling dreams
always yours, eternity

While you can’t speak
either show the truth, feel
entering and seeing you cry by seeing me

Don't hide your feelings anymore...

Now I understand which is your Sun
I pretend an encounter in constellation
I leave you the Moon in case I'm not
and a Last Quarter as a sign of love

Damned fears disrupt
infuriate your wounding voice
entering and seeing you cry by seeing me

Don't hide your feelings anymore...

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

—Lazarus Long (Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love, 1973)

Creedy: Die! Die! Why won't you die?... Why won't you die?
V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh.
Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy,
and ideas are bulletproof.

Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what,
and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation,
I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

"Education is our passport to the future,
for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today"

"Nobody can give you freedom.
Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything.
If you're a man, you take it"

"I'm the man you think you are...
If you want to know what I'll do, figure out what you'll do.
I'll do the same thing... only more of it"

Several artists in the MFA will show their work in their studios. Yesterday, Veronica asked me over the phone to write 100 words about her. So, I couldn't refuse such a "kind" petition. I ate half of a halloween bag full of chocolates that Linsey's mom gave her... yes, she's great. I drank my iced tea since I have drank too much Cocacola in the previous days. I smoked one cigarrete which will be maybe the last one, since winter is beginning to hit hard. And finally, after satisfying my human needs, I satisfied another one and wrote this:

An art piece is the result of a divine moment of inspiration, a viciously rational thinking process, an honest byproduct of past experiences, as well as the ability to play with the reality. In that apparent chaos, Verónica found the equilibrium which is expressed in her paintings.

Even though, the discussion regarding the intentionality of the artist and the context in which the art piece was created is irrelevant. As she states with simple words but a profound conceptual difference: "Don't ask me for reasons. Don't ask me to justify my art."

Waking up in the middle of the night
screaming, sweating, feeling their pain
changing the past is not a feasible action
ghosts from my memories hunt me...

The death resurrect in my dreams
and ask me for reasonable explanations
a man has to do what a man has to do
without thinking, without understanding...

Siti is going back to Malaysia this weekend and I'm already missing her. She's my very good friend, as well as one person which is very rare to find in these times: kind, happy, smart and tender.

She's like an angel who fell from the heaven. Her presence is soft like a small breeze, but she has the effect of a hurricane. She makes you grow as a person, makes you think that the heaven is not so far, that the evil pleasures are not so rewarding.

I can bet my life that she will be a very good mom. I imagine her with a son who tells her about some problem. She tenderly listens and makes him feel comfortable and safe. Then she gives him a good advice in simple words but with an immense intelligence.

Her boyfriend, which is also very nice, is a very lucky guy. The last time I saw her, she answered one of my questions with "...because I love him" with such a level of naturallity which is used by people when they say "plastic" when somebody asks "plastic or paper bag" in the supermarket. So I can easily deduce that he is already written very deep in her heart.

I really hope I can see her again in my future...

Like a small rabbit, afraid of being hurt
by unmercyful humans, it came inside my life.

The moment when the obscure lady hides
had a special meaning in her shining teeth,
in that peaceful piece of death, in her warmth.

How could a wounded being find comfort in me?
How could a strong will find summission in itself?
My memory still tells me it was yesterday...
my hope still tells me it will be tomorrow...

Sometimes, beauty hides in seamingly simple things
sometimes, emptyness hides in seamingly complex things
oftenly, we get attracted towards complexity rather than simplicity
oftenly therefore, we fool ourselves...

In "Finding Nemo", some very simple but beautiful sentences are dropped:
"I look at you and I can feel it, I look at you and I'm home"

Since you like to eat books, you wont understand these words
if you would know the streets, you wouldnt understand these words either
so take your trip from one side to the other and then go back
then, only then, you will find out...

You still need to grow up a lot kid!

I was 12 years old back then. Economy in Peru was the worst ever. I was born in a middle class family, but even for us, eating frozen fish, beans and powder milk almost everyday was normal. These products were made by public companies... the only way to give people products at low price, since the government subsidized them.

Alan Garcia was the president in those times. Devaluation reached one billion from 1985 till 1990. The price of some goods were 30 times the price they had the day before. All of these things was a result of the decision of Garcia to stop paying our debt to USA.

Terrorism was the crudest ever, the war was in front of our houses. I remember listening bomb-cars exploding on several nights... crashing windows... making your heart feel the wave... you could not go out to see what happened. At night, the army took charge of our cities, nobody were allowed to walk then.

Sometimes terrorists made us not have any electricity. We could be that way for several hours... sometimes almost a complete day. But in the middle of those crises, I remember making my little sister have some fun, while we played with candles and the shadows of hour hands. I taught her how to create several animals with them.

According to some stories, not only terrorists were killing people... also the army made several persons dissapear. Garcia will maybe be the next president... then, all those memories came back to me. The Cayara case is an example... not isolated. There were several violations to human rights... I hope those days dont come back, not again, not in Peru, not anywhere....

Strategy 1:
No towers, no horses, no bishops, no queen, no more pawns
check mate by suicidal tokens... game over
that was it, you think you won and I lost
I'll just quit to play this game ever again
it was not made for me, I guess.

Strategy 2:
Hit the table, forget about the rules
play another game with my own rules
fuck you! I don't give a shit
my inner beast has reborn
soft music can't stop it anymore
writing can't hide it anymore
nobody will like it, but again... fuck you all!

If you are a person who complains about your mother too much. There are two possibilities: your mother is really a bad person or you are just purely STUPID.

Believe me, it is more provable you fall in the second category. Only in some few cases (let say, if your mother has some psychologycal condition) you will fall in the first category.

So, love your mom, you asshole! Perhaps now you dont understand me, but some day in the future God will hit you hard, and you will lose your mom, or even worse, He will kill her bit by bit. And then, you will realize you love your mom, and maybe too late, you would want to tell her you love her.

So tell her you love her while she is completely healthy, enjoy her company. Also, if you are over 20, I can also tell you that it's about time to be a mature person.

There was a reason, I suspected before and now I am sure!
I told you and now I am telling you:
it was not Wolfram of course, that's for the mass, it's so simple,
neither Escher, that's just for our eyes,
nor Bach, that's just for our ears,
it was not Turing, that's just a very simplified model,
I thought it was Einstein, but that's not general enough,
Penrose? Hawking? physics is just overrated
it is Godel! now I know... thanks :)

Life is what happens while you are studying, working, doing plans, thinking about your future. Do you think our education is useful in the other side? Everything we know applies only to this 4D space... our actions are useful after we die, no doubt! That is our contribution to this world, that's the reason why this world is not perfect. If the world would be perfect, there were no reason for living. There will be always some problem to solve, something to be discovered, something to do! Our goal in this life is to understand our purpose, what God wants us to do and do it. This concept is different from destiny, destiny is what will happen, and our purpose is what should happen... big question, so I make my bet all the time and I hope not to be wrong. Being happy is a very good hint that we are on the right track :)

I drunk the last two beers and smoked the last cigarrete of my life. I'm a social drinker and smoker, but I'm just bored of these little escapes of reality, of these little demonstrations of weakness. Eventhough I still like my dreams. Eventhough every person is weak, and it is our strength to realize it.

In my mind, in my hope, I see her in my door when I'm coming back home at night, and she tells me everything I want to hear, and she tells me everything she wants to say, and I finally kiss her, and I finally say what I feel. No other day, no other time, no other place, no other girl, no other words, no other lips, no other feelings.

Different day, same shit... Stop wasting your time and stop wasting my time!... Begin taking brave decisions because I already took mine, so stop hiding!... washing was my drug... my waiting time... time is almost over... over us.

Persons are like guitars. Now stop deriving more conclusions because I dont think persons are instruments, and just finish reading this! :)

In a guitar, if you play the right note with your right hand, push the string in the right place with your left hand, play it for the right amount of time, and do the right sequence of notes, accompanied with the right chords, then you get the best of it. If not, then you get the worst of the guitar. And before all of this, the guitar should be sharpen. So it depends on 3 things: the guitar, the musician and the moment.

Persons are the same, they should be prepared to love before someone attempts to play them, then if you play the right strings, you get the best. Since a relationship is made from two persons, it is more like two guitars playing each other...

From all the places in this world, the one I like the most is Peru, my country. But besides I love it, I realize there are several issues to be solved. Last Sunday I was watching a documentary about working kids in Latin America.

Some kids in Las Lomas (Huachipa, north of Lima, Peru) help their parents by producing bricks. "Help" is actually a sarcasm, they are hard workers, as every adult working in that business. They carry water, sand, bricks, etc.

Just imagine yourself being a 6 years kid doing all of these activities, and not having time for doing the activities which are natural for kids: playing, exploring the world, asking yourself about misteries of life in that innocent and simple way only kids have... worse than that, some of them don't even go to school.

Then suddenly I remembered when I was doing my undergrad in Peru. When I was accustomed to return home at 11:30pm and see 3 years old kids working as clowns in the street, going inside buses, selling candies and begging for money... 3 years old kid alone in the street at that time!... well, some had company of an amazingly bigger brother just 2 years older... what kind of parents can leave sons of those ages alone in the street, and make then work!

If you go to Peru and you are close to an avenue around noon, it is usual to see kids begging for money under the bright sun (with all the danger of suffering from insolation) while their mothers are sat down in a very comfortable tree 20 meters from there.

As I said, there is a lot of issues to be solved in Peru...

12:30pm... yet another fucking awful day, foggy, cold, some of those days when you don't want to wake up and just wait till the next sunny day. I have a big headache damn! but I just had two beers yesterday as far as I remember. Then, some voices in my head "it could be, it could be!" Well, I know it is, I am completely sure, no doubt about it. As my people say when somebody ask them about the amount of feeling: like shit = a lot :) Those eyes... I prefer to read them instead of listening to the words.

I was spending time these days with my true love :) Suddenly I listened a salsa song of JLo and Marc Anthony. These paragraphs are the best ones:

     Don’t love me because you think that I seem different
     don’t you think that is fair to see the time pass together?
     don’t love me, that I comprehend the lie it would be
     if your love I don’t deserve, don’t love me, but stay another day

     Don’t love me because I am lost
     because world could change, because it is destiny
     because it couldn’t be, we are a mirror
     and then you would be what I reflect from me

     Don’t love me, because I will make you suffer
     with this heart that got filled of thousand winters
     don’t love me to forget about your gray days
     I want you to love me just from loving me

Love, passion, small pieces of death and life... the scientific approach is not a good strategy in order to understand love. That is why we have arts and mainly poetry and music...

The sound of my annoying cellphone woke me up at 10:30am. Too early for a vampire!
Evelyn: "Hi, what are you doing?"
Me: "Sleeping... I was working on my thesis till 6am"
Evelyn: "I thought you were woke up already... I will call you later"
Me: "Dont hang! I can think even while my brain is sleepy"

So she asked me to give her some advice about her new website design, and I did it... I still remember the technical stuff, along with the aesthetic things that I will always keep.

After talking for more than one hour, I called Siti who would go with some friends to play in the snow. Fun! I took a shower, went outside to the metro and I realized that I forgot something... walking back home, smoking a cigarrete, my breakfast in these days of academic orgasm...

Then lazyness attacked me... Should I walk all the way again? Forget about outside! I feel so nice in here. Outside does not have anything interesting for me. Inside, not in my apartment, but here in my mind, I have everything I need... This is pure extasy :)

Today I went to the hospital, my former professor and guilty for making me like mathematics, computer graphics and research a lot have had some problems with his heart...

I just hate hospitals, it bring me very sad memories... Anyway, I was there today and he was very happy to see me :)... He will be out of the hospital by tomorrow, the results of the strenght test were very good !

By the way, today is Ray's birthday, a very good friend from my high school times. We already celebrated on Dec 30th because he had to go to another place for a job. Lot of whisky for few persons, then the New Year's celebration. I still have a lot of alcohol in my system :)

Life is cyclic, first we are very close to our parents in our infancy
then we fight for our indenpendence in our youth
but once you become a little bit old (but still young)
then you begin to enjoy your parents again
but you need to be 30 something years old to understand these lines
it is not these stupid things that old people say and
that I also hate with all my intestins... trust me... just wait...

A picture in these days is just a mere discretization of life,
several things are lost, time is not considered or poorly sampled,
space is lost in two different ways, from losing another axis
till using these ugly grids that Fourier would love,
as Anna said: color is just the waves that things don't want,
then even if we don't consider the loses stated before,
we are not even capturing the esence of the things in a picture,
moreover, what about of what is inside the beings?
not even considering ethereal things, just matter and energy,
we are just fooling ourselves, and this is not a problem
of digital cameras, even our eyes fall in several of those
stated problems, we are just fooling outselves...

There is no bigger reward in this life than helping somebody. If that person helped you in the past, then that's a due.

In some days I'll go to Peru and I'll meet my former professor Pedro Espinoza. Juan Sotelo is currently in Texas A&M University and he told me to meet people in the "Cayetano Heredia" university because there is a research group which is working on topics related to what I'm doing here in GWU... cool !

Well... there is nothing better than helping... some people I met in the past have taught me that, such as Stanley Steinberg, by helping me without asking for anything, and I'll try to do the same in the future.